Monday 25 May 2009

A week into the new era

Due to an impending visit of Nick's, and a mass of events of all sorts related to this visit, I figure I won't have much time to write in the next week or two so this is a passing hello...so, I've been driving myself around for a week now, and can I just say IT FEELS AMAZING! Yes, the first half of the week I was pretty terrified, and gripped the wheel almost to the point of painfulness; and I still get terribly lost, and frustrated when I do (though increasingly less so); and I stress about people behind me, and irritating them, and getting honked at.

But overall...it makes me so happy! Especially when there is noone behind me, and something soothing is playing on the radio, and I end up driving around the countryside semi-randomly, in the sunshine - dare I say it, it's rather enjoyable. And I hadn't realised quite how much not being independent depressed me. Now I sleep better, wake up not feeling like a zombie, do not have to spend half my working day trying to stay awake, and most importantly I am the one in charge of my work hours - I don't have to arrange everything so as to have to leave at a certain time, I can go with the flow, stay as late as I like - and this means I'm more relaxed, and I work better.

AND I was able to go to the Amish market (very cool), and do things with Sarah after work without making anyone go out of their way to take me home, and I went to a proper supermarket yesterday (though I got very overwhelmed by the bigness of it all, and it's hard to shake off years and years of 'buy just what you need', so I didn't quite stock up on stuff as I might have done), and to buy shoes, and to TK Maxx, and all without being really beholden to anyone. I know I keep saying it, but it's really a strange, good feeling - like now I feel more unconstrained, more myself, I can't quite explain it. But it's A Good Thing.

I probably wouldn't be quite so exultant if I lived in a big city, or a place with proper public transport, but since I don't...to finish on a topical note, here is the link to photos of the Memorial Day Parade that was held on Saturday.

Tuesday 12 May 2009

A new era

I was going blog the other day; I went as far as writing the post, and even revising it, but after a few hours I changed my mind. It was a very depressed/depressive, whingeing post in which I complained about a variety of objectively rather minor issues with great enojoyance of the wallowing in self-pity. I'm glad I didn't - although it is true that there were little things that were getting me down, and I was feeling rather emotionally drained for a variety of reasons, I need to stick with my intention of keeping this a cheerful blog, and also apply some non-Italian reserve and avoid airing my dirty laundry in public.

ANYway, the title of the post refers to a Very, Very Important Event that has occurred in the intervening time between the last post and now: I have a car! I can drive it! AND as of tomorrow I will be driving myself to work! It's crazy how everything has happened in the space of a week - I bought it last Saturday having contacted the seller only the afternoon of the Friday; I got the paperwork sorted early in the week; had my last 4 hours of lessons; and now it's all go!

Actually, it wasn't quite so breezy as that - my second driving lesson was a bit dispiriting, as the instructor had to keep telling me to be more confident on turns, be faster, not upset the flow of traffic, and generally be a bit more aggressive and trusting in myself. So I left that lesson feeling that all the skill in parking and easing out of my crazy driveway was useless if I never had the balls to drive properly.

Everyone was very comforting and pointed out that I had only been driving for 4 hours and I couldn't expect perfection straight away, but of course that didn't prevent me from developing all sorts of panic and stress two hours before my lesson today. But! The instructor immediately boosted my confidence by suggesting that we drive in my car instead of his --> i.e. with no double pedals! That alone made me feel a lot better about my driving, and though it was still by no means perfect, he thinks I'm ok to drive myself to work...so by the time you will have read this, I will have done my first solo commute!

I still can't quite believe this is happening - that I have a car, and that I can be in control of my life, and my schedule, and be FREE to go to people's houses, go to the mall, go to whatever supermarket I want, and all the hallmarks of a normal Princetonian life that I have had to miss out on until now. It's just so so exciting. That, combined with the steadily lovely weather, and the upcoming visits from various people (and one just past - I saw Laura last week!), and the fact that I am managing to stick to my plan to cook delicious meals even if just for myself, makes me really rather happy.

Sure, things aren't perfect - among the things that were disgruntling me this week were a bad meeting with the Scouts, where I was solely in charge and was wholly incapable of exerting any discipline on the girls (but I've since rationalised that, and thought of so many ways to make it better), and the fact that work is sort of slumpy at the moment and failing to engage me emotionally - but I try not to dwell on that (with a little help from my friends). Sometimes I do worry that I'm turning into a strange cross betweeen Pollyanna and a fortune cookie, with all this zen positive thinking, and it still doesn't come quite naturally to me, but who knows, maybe by the end this will be another skill to add to the list of those acquired during this US life...

Saturday 2 May 2009

...play a song for me

He did! Well, for me and the hundreds of other people who were there, but still - I was one of them! Oh, the 'he' refers to none other than Bob Dylan - I still can't quite believe I managed to finally see him play, especially after my abysmal track record with other Great Gigs I missed at the last minute, viz. Rolling Stones (stupid man falling off trees) and John Cale. Now if I could only see Lou Reed, my life would be complete....but I digress.

The gig was so much fun! Actually I'm not sure it can be described as a gig - more like a concert - the atmosphere was slightly surreal, in that the average age of the attendees was rather higher than usual, and their degree of movement and vocal participation rather lower than usual. I'm not claiming that I usually go to particularly raucous or destructive gigs - that's best left to other people :-) - but seriously, here there was coffee on sale, and at times the arena was completely hushed, in a sort of reverential silence, and people gently rocking from side to side - though clearly enjoying the music. So that was rather entertaining in itself.

The man himself was predictably hard to understand and as mumblesome as I'd been led to expect, and he had a nice balance of 'classics' and newer songs (from the last 10 years or so) which was pleasing. I do wonder how he feels though, having to constantly go back to his old successes, while being clearly proud of his more current work. Anyway, the band was also great, and we got a few harmonica solos from him, which was very exciting. And despite my limited height, I'd managed to find a spot where I had uninterrupted views through various people's heads and necks, so I didn't even have to stand on my toes too much.

This all took place in Cardiff, we ventured in a few hours earlier to give it a look, and concluded that it is a very bizarre place indeed. Part slightly rundown, unattractive, part like-any-other-UK-town, part amazingly pretty late 19th/early 20th century buildings and arcades popping up unexpectedly, just as you were ready to give up on the place. Sadly it was raining most of the time so I never really took my camera out and have no photographic evidence of said pretty buildings. Also on the topic of architectural prettiness, we drove over the (second) Severn Bridge to get there, and I was very taken with it, and the views therefrom: you can see several pictures of this bridgey goodness here (lazy, I know).


What else? Oh, I also managed to fit in a couple of days in London, which included a looong visit to Borough Market (which is still one of my most favourite places in the whole world ever), prime viewing spots of the elite runners at the Marathon, an exhibition on hats at the V&A, and a very nice stroll through Kew Gardens, a peaceful haven away from the Marathon chaos.

So, back here again, a place which I am increasingly more comfortable to call home. I'm going to stay put now for, oh, more than two months (apart from a quick conference in June), amazingly. I think that part of my problem so far is that I have been living in a suspended status, feeling like this is a temporary parenthesis between England and whatever comes next, and refusing to really get stuck in - cf. for example my reluctance to make progress with acquiring a car, not putting things up on the walls, generally not decorating the house in a particularly permanent way. But I realise now that this is ridiculous - I am here, for another 18 months (just signed my renewal contract!), and the best way to enjoy it is to stop living with my head half in England, trying to keep up with the everyday doings there, and focus on having a life here - whether it's with friends, the gym, volunteering or whatnot (oh yeah, I had another Girl Scout meeting where I was in charge the other day, and I think it went a little better, so that is pleasing). After all, this was my idea, not a forced exile! And I have to say, I'm really looking forward to the next several months - even if they do include a 3-week visit from my parents...